![Office-romance]()
Hi,
I recently found out that my husband was going out with a colleague at his place of work. When he was busted, he was remorseful and promised to end the relationship.
We talked about it and agreed on what needs to be done. One of the things we were advised on was that my husband should cut off all contact with the other woman, but the problem is they work together in the same department. I’m not comfortable with this though I do understand my hubby’s predicament. What can be done in such a situation?
OUR TAKE
It’s bad enough to discover that your spouse has been unfaithful and even worse to realise that his cheating partner is his colleague, making ongoing contact inevitable. It is good that your husband was remorseful and that you both desire to heal your marriage.
This can become such a confusing and complex thing to navigate because healing a marriage after an affair requires no contact with the affair partner as you were rightly advised. However, you cannot ask your husband to resign or stop going to work so that he doesn’t see this person, as you need him to provide for the family. So, what do you do?
Restore trust
First and foremost, you need to establish a willingness and commitment on his part to genuinely stop the affair. You see, even if he cuts contact with the other party, how sure are you that he has stopped fantasising or dreaming about her? So, whether they are working together or not, your goal here should be that of restoring trust. Don’t fear to ask him the hard questions that you may have and create for him a safe environment to openly share with you his struggles. Let him know your fears and see how best those fears can be addressed.
Share his fears with a superior
The fear of him working with his affair partner can be addressed by seeing how he can make himself accountable to a superior at his workplace, someone whom he can trust. Sometimes, what we fear most could just be that which gives us the opportunity for what we are looking for. You may be surprised that instead of him being vilified or laughed at, which he fears, the boss might just decide to move the affair partner to a separate building, floor, department, position or change work teams to minimise the chances of contact.
Let your presence be felt
If that can’t work, have a brainstorming session to discuss things that will make you the betrayed partner feel safe with your husband in that environment. Things such as calling you often during the day while at work, allowing you to come over to his workplace for lunch and other appropriate visits so that you have a presence there and discussing appropriate boundaries with the opposite sex that you both can agree on.
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